אורח חיים ר״מOrach Chayim 240

Se’if 1א׳

אִם הָיָה נָשׂוּי, לֹא יְהֵא רָגִיל בְּיוֹתֵר עִם אִשְׁתּוֹ, אֶלָּא בָּעוֹנָה הָאֲמוּרָה בַּתּוֹרָה. הַטַּיָּלִים, שֶׁפַּרְנָסָתָן מְצוּיָה לָהֶם וְאֵין פּוֹרְעִין מַס, עוֹנָתָן בְּכָל יוֹם; הַפּוֹעֲלִים שֶׁעוֹשִׂים מְלָאכָה בְּעִיר אַחֶרֶת וְלָנִין בְּכָל לַיְלָה בְּבָתֵּיהֶם, פַּעַם אַחַת בְּשָׁבוּעַ; וְאִם עוֹשִׂים מְלָאכָה בְּעִירָם, פַּעֲמַיִם בְּשָׁבוּעַ; הָחַמָּרִים, אַחַת בְּשָׁבוּעַ; הַגַּמָּלִים, אַחַת לְל' יוֹם; הַסַפָּנִים, אַחַת לְשִׁשָּׁה חֳדָשִׁים; וְעוֹנַת תַּלְמִידֵי חֲכָמִים מִלֵּיל שַׁבָּת לְלֵיל שַׁבָּת; וְכָל אָדָם צָרִיךְ לִפְקֹד אֶת אִשְׁתּוֹ בְּלֵיל טְבִילָתָהּ, וּבְשָׁעָה שֶׁיּוֹצֵא לַדֶּרֶךְ אִם אֵינוֹ הוֹלֵךְ לִדְבַר מִצְוָה, וְכֵן אִם אִשְׁתּוֹ מֵינִיקָה וְהוּא מַכִּיר בָּהּ שֶׁהִיא מְשַׁדַּלְתּוֹ וּמְרַצָּה אוֹתוֹ וּמְקַשֶּׁטֶת עַצְמָהּ לְפָנָיו כְּדֵי שֶׁיִּתֵּן דַּעְתּוֹ עָלֶיהָ, חַיָּב לְפָקְדָהּ. וְאַף כְּשֶׁהוּא מָצוּי אֶצְלָהּ לֹא יְכַוֵּן לַהֲנָאָתוֹ, אֶלָּא כְּאָדָם שֶׁפּוֹרֵעַ חוֹבוֹ שֶׁהוּא חַיָּב בְּעוֹנָתָהּ וּלְקַיֵּם מִצְוַת בּוֹרְאוֹ שֶׁיִּהְיוּ לוֹ בָּנִים עוֹסְקִים בַּתּוֹרָה וּמְקַיְּמִים מִצְווֹת בְּיִשְׂרָאֵל; וְכֵן אִם מְכַוֵּן לְתִקּוּן הַוָּלָד, שֶׁבְּשִׁשָּׁה חֳדָשִׁים אַחֲרוֹנִים יָפֶה לוֹ שֶׁמִּתּוֹךְ כָּךְ יֵצֵא מְלֻבָּן וּמְזֹרָז, שַׁפִּיר דָּמִי; וְאִם הוּא מְכַוֵּן לִגְדֹּר עַצְמוֹ בָּהּ כְּדֵי שֶׁלֹּא יִתְאַוֶּה לַעֲבֵרָה, כִּי רוֹאֶה יִצְרוֹ גּוֹבֵר וּמִתְאַוֶּה אֶל הַדָּבָר הַהוּא. הַגָּה: גַּם בָּזֶה יֵשׁ קִבּוּל שָׂכָר, אַךְ (טוּר) יוֹתֵר טוֹב הָיָה לוֹ לִדְחוֹת אֶת יִצְרוֹ וְלִכְבֹּשׁ אוֹתוֹ, כִּי אֵבֶר קָטָן יֵשׁ בָּאָדָם: מַרְעִיבוֹ, שָׂבֵעַ; מַשְׂבִּיעוֹ, רָעֵב; אֲבָל מִי שֶׁאֵינוֹ צָרִיךְ לַדָּבָר, אֶלָּא שֶׁמְּעוֹרֵר תַּאֲוָתוֹ כְּדֵי לְמַלְּאוֹת תַּאֲוָתוֹ, זוֹ הִיא עֲצַת יֵצֶר הָרַע, וּמִן הַהֶתֵּר יְסִיתֶנּוּ אֶל הָאִסוּר, וְעַל זֶה אָמְרוּ רַבּוֹתֵינוּ ז"ל: הַמַּקְשֶׁה עַצְמוֹ לָדַעַת יְהֵא בְּנִדּוּי.

If he was married, he should not be with his wife too often, but at the set time stated in the Torah. Men of leisure, whose livelihood is at hand for them and who do not pay tax — their set time is every day; labourers who do work in another town and lodge every night in their homes — once a week; and if they do work in their own town — twice a week; ass-drivers — once a week; camel-drivers — once in thirty days; sailors — once in six months; and the set time of Torah scholars is from Sabbath night to Sabbath night. And every man must visit his wife on the night of her immersion, and at the time he sets out on a journey, if he is not going for a matter of mitzvah; and likewise if his wife is nursing and he perceives that she is coaxing him and pleasing him and adorning herself before him so that he should set his mind on her, he is obliged to visit her. And even when he is with her, he should not intend his own pleasure, but be as a man who pays his debt, for he is obliged in her due, and to fulfil the commandment of his Creator, that he should have children occupied in Torah and fulfilling commandments in Israel; and likewise if he intends the benefit of the child — for in the last six months it is good for it, since through this it comes out fair and vigorous — it is well; and if he intends to fence himself in by her, so that he should not lust after transgression, for he sees his inclination prevailing and lusting after that thing. Hagah [Rema]: in this too there is receipt of reward, but (Tur) it would have been better for him to put off his inclination and to subdue it, for there is a small limb in a man: starve it, and it is sated; sate it, and it hungers. But one who does not need the thing, but arouses his lust in order to fulfil his lust — this is the counsel of the evil inclination, and from the permitted it will entice him to the forbidden; and of this our Rabbis of blessed memory said: one who deliberately brings himself to an erection shall be under a ban.

Se’if 2ב׳

לֹא יִשְׁתֶּה אָדָם בְּכוֹס זֶה וְיִתֵּן עֵינָיו בְּכוֹס אַחֵר, וַאֲפִלּוּ שְׁתֵּיהֶן נָשָׁיו.

A man shouldn't drink from one cup (Have relations with one woman) and be gazing (thinking about) another cup (another women) even if they are both his wives.

Se’if 3ג׳

וּבָרוֹתִי מִכֶּם הַמֹּרְדִים וְהַפּוֹשְׁעִים בִּי (יְחֶזְקֵאל כ, לח) אֵלּוּ בְּנֵי תִּשְׁעָה מִדּוֹת: בְּנֵי אֲנוּסָה; בְּנֵי שְׂנוּאָה; בְּנֵי נִדּוּי; בְּנֵי תְּמוּרָה; בְּנֵי מוֹרֶדֶת; בְּנֵי שִׁכְרוּת; בְּנֵי גְּרוּשַׁת הַלֵּב; בְּנֵי עִרְבּוּבְיָא; בְּנֵי חֲצוּפָה.

"And I will purge out from among you the rebels and those that transgress against Me" (Ezekiel 20:38) — these are the children of nine traits: children of a woman taken by force; children of a hated wife; children of the ban; children of exchange; children of a rebellious wife; children of drunkenness; children of a wife divorced in the heart; children of confusion; children of a brazen woman.