אבן העזר נ״אEven HaEzer 51

Se’if 1א׳

אִישׁ וְאִשָּׁה שֶׁהָיוּ בֵּינֵיהֶם שִׁדּוּכִין, וְאָמַר לָהּ: כַּמָּה אַתְּ מַכְנֶסֶת לִי, כָּךְ וְכָךְ, וְאָמְרָה לוֹ: וְכַמָּה אַתָּה נוֹתֵן לִי אוֹ כּוֹתֵב לִי כָּךְ וְכָךְ, וְאֵין חִלּוּק בָּזֶה בֵּין נִשּׂוּאִין רִאשׁוֹנִים לִשְׁנִיִּים (כֵּן נִרְאֶה מֵהָרַמְבַּ"ם וְכֵן כָּתַב הָרִיבָ"שׁ סִימָן שמ"ה); וְכֵן הָאָב שֶׁפָּסַק עַל יְדֵי בְּנוֹ וּבִתּוֹ: כַּמָּה אַתָּה נוֹתֵן לְבִנְךָ כָּךְ וְכָךְ, וְכַמָּה אַתָּה נוֹתֵן לְבִתְּךָ כָּךְ וְכָךְ; הַגָּה: וְדַוְקָא בִּדְבָרִים כָּאֵלּוּ, שֶׁבְּיַד הָאָב לְקַיֵּם, אֲבָל אִם פּוֹסֵק עַל בְּנוֹ שֶׁיַּעֲשֶׂה אֵיזֶה דָּבָר, כְּגוֹן לֵילֵךְ אַחֲרֶיהָ לְמָקוֹם אַחֵר, אֵינוֹ נִקְנֶה בָּאֲמִירָה, דְּאֵין זֶה תָּלוּי בָּאָב רַק בַּבֵּן (מָרְדְּכַי פֶּרֶק הַנּוֹשֵׂא וּבְפֶרֶק מִי שֶׁמֵּת); עָמְדוֹ וְקִדְּשׁוּ, קָנוּ אוֹתָן הַדְּבָרִים וְאַף עַל פִּי שֶׁלֹּא הָיָה בֵּינֵיהֶם קִנְיָן; וְאֵלּוּ הֵן הַדְּבָרִים הַנִּקְנִים בַּאֲמִירָה. וְהוּא שֶׁיִּהְיוּ הַדְּבָרִים שֶׁפָּסְקוּ מְצוּיִים בִּרְשׁוּתָם, שֶׁאֵין אָדָם מַקְנֶה דָּבָר שֶׁלֹּא בָּא לָעוֹלָם. וּדְבָרִים אֵלּוּ לֹא נִתְּנוּ לִכָּתֵב, לְפִיכָךְ אֲפִלּוּ נִכְתְּבוּ, אֵינָם כִּשְׁטָר שֶׁיִּטְרֹף בָּהֶם מִמְּשֻׁעְבָּדִים. בַּמֶּה דְבָרִים אֲמוּרִים, כְּשֶׁפָּסַק הָאָב לְבִתּוֹ, בֵּין קְטַנָּה בֵּין גְּדוֹלָה, אוֹ לִבְנוֹ וּבַנִּשּׁוּאִין הָרִאשׁוֹנִים, וְיֵשׁ אוֹמְרִים דְּבָעִינָן דְּעָמְדוּ וְקִדְּשׁוּ מִיָּד וְלֹא הִפְסִיקוּ בִּדְבָרִים אֲחֵרִים, אֲבָל הִפְסִיקוּ בִּדְבָרִים אֲחֵרִים, לֹא (טוּר), וְכֵן אִם קִדְּשׁוּ וְאַחַר כָּךְ פָּסְקוּ, לָא מְהַנֵּי (תּוֹסָפוֹת פֶּרֶק נַעֲרָה). וְיֵשׁ אוֹמְרִים דְּבָעִינָן גַּם כֵּן דְּהִתְנוּ כֵּן בְּיַחַד, אֲבָל אִם עָשׂוּ בְּלֹא תְּנַאי אֶלָּא כָּל אֶחָד אוֹמֵר מֵעַצְמוֹ, אֵינוֹ נִקְנֶה בַּאֲמִירָה (רִיבָ"שׁ סִימָן שמ"ה); אֲבָל אָח שֶׁפָּסַק לַאֲחוֹתוֹ, אוֹ אִשָּׁה שֶׁפָּסְקָה לְבִתָּהּ, וְכֵן שְׁאָר קְרוֹבִים, וְכֵן הָאָב שֶׁפָּסַק לִבְנוֹ אוֹ לְבִתּוֹ, בְּנִשּׂוּאִין שְׁנִיִּים, לֹא קָנוּ אוֹתָם הַדְּבָרִים עַד שֶׁיִּקְנוּ מִיַּד הַפּוֹסֵק שֶׁהוּא נוֹתֵן כָּךְ וְכָךְ. הַגָּה: הַדְּבָרִים הַנִּקְנִים בַּאֲמִירָה, אוֹ שֶׁפָּסַק הָאָב וְקָנוּ מִיָּדוֹ, הָוֵי כִּשְׁאָר חוֹב, וַאֲפִלּוּ מֵת הָאָב קֹדֶם שֶׁנִּשֵׂאת, הֶחָתָן מוֹצִיא מִן הַיּוֹרְשִׁין, וַאֲפִלּוּ מִמְּשַׁעְבְּדֵי, כִּשְׁאָר חוֹב (רִיבָ"שׁ סִימָן קכ"ט). וְיֵשׁ אוֹמְרִים דְּאֵין מְנַכִּין לַבַּת מִירֻשָּׁתָהּ, הוֹאִיל וְזָכְתָה בָּהֶן בְּחַיֵּי הָאָב; אֲבָל אִם אָמַר: אֶתֵּן כָּךְ וְכָךְ, וְכֵן חָתָן שֶׁפָּסַק לַעֲשׂוֹת לָהּ כְּתֻבָּה כָּךְ וְכָךְ, וּבִשְׁעַת הַנִּשּׂוּאִין חוֹזְרִין בָּהֶם, עַיֵּן בְּחשֶׁן הַמִּשְׁפָּט סִימָן רמ"ה אִם צָרִיךְ לְקַיֵּם מִצַּד הַקִּנְיָן, אֲבָל מִצַּד הַקְּנָס שֶׁפָּסְקוּ עַל עַצְמָן וַדַּאי צָרִיךְ לְקַיֵּם, וְלָכֵן נָהֲגוּ לַעֲשׂוֹת תְּנָאִים חֲדָשִׁים קֹדֶם הַנִּשּׂוּאִין, כֵּן נִרְאֶה לִי. וְכָל הַדְּבָרִים שֶׁנִּתְבָּאֲרוּ כָּאן שֶׁאֵינָן נִקְנִין בַּאֲמִירָה, הַיְינוּ דַּוְקָא בְּמַתָּנָה מְרֻבָּה, וּלְעָשִׁיר; אֲבָל הַפּוֹסֵק לְעָנִי, צָרִיךְ לְקַיֵּם מִשּׁוּם דְּהָוֵי כְּנֶדֶר (בֵּית יוֹסֵף בְּשֵׁם ר"מ וְכֵן הוּא בַּיְרוּשַׁלְמִי); וְכֵן בְּעָשִׁיר מַתָּנָה מוּעֶטֶת, אִית בֵּהּ מִשּׁוּם מְחֻסְּרֵי אֲמָנָה אִם חוֹזֵר בּוֹ (בֵּית יוֹסֵף בְּשֵׁם הָרַשְׁבָּ"ש). וְעַיֵּן בְּחשֶׁן הַמִּשְׁפָּט סִימָן רמ"ט בְּהִלְכוֹת מַתָּנָה. הֶחָתָן צָרִיךְ לְשַׁלֵּם שְׂכַר הַתְּנָאִים, אִם לֹא נִכְתַּב רַק שְׁטָר אֶחָד (נִמּוּקֵי יוֹסֵף פֶּרֶק גֵּט פָּשׁוּט), אֲבָל אִם נִכְתְּבוּ שְׁנֵי שְׁטָרוֹת, כָּל אֶחָד מְשַׁלֵּם שֶׁלּוֹ. כָּל מַה שֶּׁפּוֹסְקִין צְרִיכִין לִתֵּן קֹדֶם שֶׁיִּכְנֹס, אֲבָל לֹא יוּכַל לוֹמַר: כְּנֹס וְאַחַר כָּךְ אֶתֵּן, אֲבָל אִם רוֹצֶה לְהַשְׁלִישׁ הַמָּעוֹת, הָרְשׁוּת בְּיָדוֹ (הַגָּהוֹת אַלְפָסִי). וְעַיֵּן בְּחשֶׁן הַמִּשְׁפָּט (סִימָן ע"ג סָעִיף ח') מִי שֶׁנִּשְׁבַּע לִתֵּן נְדוּנְיָא לַחֲתָנוֹ וְהוּא מַרְגִּיל קְטָטָה עִם הַבַּת (מַהֲרִי"ק שֹׁרֶשׁ פ"א):

A man and a woman who were negotiating a betrothal match, and he said to her: How much are you bringing in to me? — So-and-so much; and she said to him: And how much are you giving me, or writing for me? — So-and-so much — and there is no difference in this between a first marriage and a second (so it appears from the Rambam, and so wrote the Rivash, siman 345); and likewise a father who stipulated on behalf of his son or his daughter: How much are you giving to your son? — So-and-so much; and how much are you giving to your daughter? — So-and-so much; Hagah [Rema]: And this is specifically with such things as it is in the father's hand to fulfil; but if he stipulates for his son that he will do some thing, such as to follow her to another place, it is not acquired by speech, for this does not depend on the father but only on the son (Mordechai, chapter "One who marries", and in chapter "One who died"); — if they went ahead and betrothed, those things are acquired, even though there was no kinyan (a formal act of acquisition) between them; and these are the things that are acquired by speech. And that is provided that the things they stipulated are found in their possession, for a man cannot convey a thing that has not come into the world. And these things were not given to be written; therefore, even if they were written, they are not as a document with which to seize from encumbered property. In what case are these words said? When the father stipulated for his daughter, whether a minor or an adult, or for his son, and in a first marriage. And there are those who say that we require that they went ahead and betrothed at once and did not interrupt with other matters; but if they interrupted with other matters, not (Tur). And likewise if they betrothed and afterwards stipulated, it does not avail (the Tosafot, chapter "A maiden"). And there are those who say that we also require that they stipulated so together; but if they did it without a stipulation, each one only saying it of his own accord, it is not acquired by speech (Rivash, siman 345). But a brother who stipulated for his sister, or a woman who stipulated for her daughter, and likewise the other relatives, and likewise a father who stipulated for his son or for his daughter in a second marriage — those things are not acquired until they make a kinyan from the hand of the one who stipulated that he gives so-and-so much. Hagah [Rema]: The things that are acquired by speech, or where the father stipulated and they made a kinyan from his hand, are as any other debt; and even if the father died before she married, the groom exacts it from the heirs, and even from encumbered property, as any other debt (Rivash, siman 129). And there are those who say that they do not deduct it for the daughter from her inheritance, since she acquired them in the father's lifetime. But if he said: I will give so-and-so much, and likewise a groom who stipulated to make her a ketubah (the sum settled upon her in her marriage contract) of so-and-so much, and at the time of the marriage they retract — see in Choshen Mishpat, siman 245, whether he must fulfil it by virtue of the kinyan; but by virtue of the penalty that they stipulated upon themselves he must certainly fulfil it, and therefore they are accustomed to make new conditions before the marriage. So it seems to me. And all the things explained here that are not acquired by speech are specifically with a large gift, and to a rich man; but one who stipulates for a poor man must fulfil it, because it is as a vow (Beit Yosef in the name of Rabbi Meir, and so it is in the Yerushalmi); and likewise with a rich man and a small gift, he is among those wanting in faithfulness if he retracts (Beit Yosef in the name of the Rashbash). And see in Choshen Mishpat, siman 249, in the Laws of Gifts. The groom must pay the fee for the conditions if only one document was written (Nimukei Yosef, chapter "A plain bill of divorce"); but if two documents were written, each one pays for his own. Whatever they stipulate they must give before he takes her in marriage, and he cannot say: Marry her, and afterwards I will give; but if he wishes to deposit the money with a third party, he has the right (Hagahot Alfasi). And see in Choshen Mishpat (siman 73, se'if 8) concerning one who swore to give a dowry to his son-in-law and he stirs up strife with the daughter (Maharik, shoresh 81).