יורה דעה רל״הYoreh De'ah 235

Se’if 1א׳

הַמַּדִּיר אֶת אִשְׁתּוֹ מִתַּשְׁמִישׁ הַמִּטָּה, שֶׁאָמַר: (קוּנָם) תַּשְׁמִישֵׁךְ עָלַי, יְקַיֵּם אוֹתָהּ שִׁבְעָה יָמִים, בֵּין שֶׁהִדִּירָהּ בְּפֵרוּשׁ לְשִׁבְעָה יָמִים אוֹ יוֹתֵר אוֹ שֶׁהִדִּירָהּ סְתָם, וּלְאַחַר שִׁבְעָה יָמִים יוֹצִיא וְיִתֵּן כְּתֻבָּתָהּ.

One who imposes upon his wife a vow away from the intercourse of the bed, saying: konam (forbidden as an offering is) is your intercourse upon me — he shall keep her seven days, whether he imposed the vow expressly for seven days or more, or imposed it without qualification; and after seven days he shall put her away and give her ketubah (the sum settled upon her in her marriage contract).

Se’if 2ב׳

הִדִּירָהּ שֶׁלֹּא תֵּהָנֶה מִמֶּנּוּ, אֵינוֹ חָל, שֶׁהֲרֵי הוּא מְשֻׁעְבָּד לָהּ. וְאִם אָמַר לָהּ: צְאִי (מַעֲשֵׂה) יָדַיִךְ בִּמְזוֹנוֹתַיִךְ, וְהִיא מְסַפֶּקֶת בָּהֶם לִדְבָרִים גְּדוֹלִים, וְאֵינָהּ מְסַפֶּקֶת לִדְבָרִים קְטַנִּים, אִם כָּל מִשְׁפַּחְתָּהּ רְגִילִין בְּאוֹתָם דְּבָרִים קְטַנִּים, אֵינוֹ חָל שֶׁהֲרֵי הוּא מְשֻׁעְבָּד לָהּ גַּם בָּהֶם; וְאִם אֵין כָּל מִשְׁפַּחְתָּהּ רְגִילִים בָּהֶם, אֶלָּא הָעֲשִׁירִים, וְאָבִיהָ עָשִׁיר וְרָגִיל בָּהֶם, וּבַעֲלָהּ אֵינוֹ עָשִׁיר וְאֵינוֹ רָגִיל בָּהֶם, חָל הַנֶּדֶר שֶׁהֲרֵי אֵינוֹ חַיָּב לָהּ בָּהֶם. וּמִכָּל מָקוֹם כֵּיוָן שֶׁהִדִּירָהּ מִמֶּנּוּ וְהִיא חָזְרָה לבֵית אָבִיהָ, הוּא מִתְחַיֵּב לָהּ עַתָּה בָּהֶם. הִלְכָּךְ עַד ל' יוֹם יְפַרְנְסֶנָּה בְּאֵלוּ הַדְּבָרִים הַקְּטַנִּים עַל יְדֵי פַּרְנָס, שֶׁיֹּאמַר: כָּל הַזָּן אֵינוֹ מַפְסִיד, וְיָזוּן אוֹתָהּ אַחֵר וְיִקַּח מֵהַבַּעַל, לֹא שְׁנָא הִדִּירָהּ שְׁלֹשִׁים יוֹם אוֹ יוֹתֵר אוֹ שֶׁהִדִּירָהּ סְתָם. אַחַר שְׁלֹשִׁים יוֹם, יוֹצִיא וְיִתֵּן כְּתֻבָּה.

He imposed a vow upon her that she should have no benefit from him — it does not take effect, for behold he is bound to her. And if he said to her: let the work of your hands go for your sustenance — and she has enough in them for the great things but has not enough for the small things: if her whole family is accustomed to those small things, it does not take effect, for behold he is bound to her in them also; and if her whole family is not accustomed to them, but only the rich, and her father is rich and accustomed to them, and her husband is not rich and not accustomed to them, the vow takes effect, for behold he is not liable to her in them. And in any case, since he imposed a vow upon her away from himself and she went back to her father's house, he becomes liable to her now in them. Therefore, until thirty days he shall provide her with these small things by means of a provider, who shall say: whoever feeds loses nothing — and another shall feed her and take from the husband; it makes no difference whether he imposed the vow for thirty days or more, or imposed it without qualification. After thirty days he shall put her away and give her ketubah.

Se’if 3ג׳

הִדִּירָהּ שֶׁלֹּא תִּתְקַשֵּׁט אוֹ שֶׁלֹּא תֹּאכַל אֶחָד מֵהַמִּינִים, אֲפִלּוּ הוּא רַע וְלֹא טְעַמְתּוֹ מֵעוֹלָם, וּתְלָאוֹ בְּתַשְׁמִישׁ, שֶׁאָמַר: קוּנָם תַּשְׁמִישֵׁךְ עָלַי אִם תִּתְקַשְּׁטִי אוֹ תֹּאכְלִי מִין פְּלוֹנִי, אוֹ שֶׁאָמַר: קוּנָם הֲנָאַת תַּשְׁמִישֵׁךְ עָלַי אִם תֵּלְכִי לְבֵית אָבִיךְ יוֹתֵר מֵחֹדֶשׁ, אִם הוּא דָּר עִמָּהּ בָּעִיר, אוֹ יוֹתֵר מֵרֶגֶל אִם הוּא דַּר בְּעִיר אַחֶרֶת, יְקַיֵּם ז' יָמִים וְאָז יוֹצִיא וְיִתֵּן כְּתֻבָּה. וְאִם הִיא נָדְרָה, שֶׁאָמְרָה: קוּנָם מִין פְּלוֹנִי עָלַי אוֹ קוּנָם שֶׁלֹּא אֶתְקַשֵּׁט בְּקִשּׁוּט פְּלוֹנִי, אוֹ שֶׁאָמְרָה: יֵאָסֵר תַּשְׁמִישְׁךָ עָלַי אִם אֹכַל מִין פְּלוֹנִי אוֹ אֶתְקַשֵּׁט בְּקִשּׁוּט פְּלוֹנִי אוֹ אִם אֵלֵךְ לְבֵית אָבִי, וְהוּא שָׁמַע וְלֹא הֵפֵר לָהּ, יוֹצִיא מִיָּד וְיִתֵּן כְּתֻבָּה. וּלְהָרַמְבַּ"ם בְּנָדְרָהּ הִיא וְקִיֵּם לָהּ הוּא, אִם רוֹצֶה לֵישֵׁב וְלֹא תֹּאכַל מֵאוֹתוֹ הַמִּין, תֵּשֵׁב. וְאִם הוּא אוֹמֵר אִי אֶפְשִׁי בְּאִשָּׁה נַדְרָנִית, יוֹצִיא וְיִתֵּן כְּתֻבָּה. וְהוּא הַדִּין אִם נָדְרָה שֶׁלֹּא תֵּלֵךְ לְבֵית אָבִיהָ, שֶׁאָמְרָה: קוּנָם תַּשְׁמִישְׁךָ עָלַי אִם אֵלֵךְ לְבֵית אָבִי, וְשָׁמַע הַבַּעַל וְלֹא הֵפֵר, וְכֵן אִם אָמְרָה: קוּנָם תַּשְׁמִישְׁךָ עָלַי אִם אֵלֵךְ לְבֵית הָאָבֵל אוֹ לְבֵית הַמִּשְׁתֶּה וְשָׁמַע וְלֹא הֵפֵר לָהּ, [וְהוּא הַדִּין אִם אָמְרָה קוּנָם תַּשְׁמִישְׁךָ עָלַי אִם אֶעֱשֶׂה שׁוּם מְלָאכָה, וְשָׁמַע וְלֹא הֵפֵר לָהּ], וְהוּא הַדִּין אִם אָמְרָה: קוּנָם תַּשְׁמִישְׁךָ עָלַי אִם אֶשְׁאַל מִשְּׁכֵנַי כְּלוּם אוֹ אִם אַשְׁאִיל כֵּלַי, וְשָׁמַע וְלֹא הֵפֵר.

He imposed a vow upon her that she should not adorn herself, or that she should not eat one of the kinds — even if it is bad and she has never tasted it — and made it depend upon the intercourse, saying: konam is your intercourse upon me if you adorn yourself or eat such a kind; or where he said: konam is the benefit of your intercourse upon me if you go to your father's house more than a month, if he dwells with her in the city, or more than a festival, if he dwells in another city — he shall keep her seven days, and then he shall put her away and give her ketubah. And if she vowed, saying: konam is such a kind upon me, or: konam that I shall not adorn myself with such an adornment; or where she said: let your intercourse be forbidden upon me if I eat such a kind, or adorn myself with such an adornment, or if I go to my father's house — and he heard and did not annul for her: he shall put her away at once and give her ketubah. And according to the Rambam, where she vowed and he upheld it for her: if he wishes to remain, and she shall not eat of that kind, she remains; and if he says, it is not my will to have a woman given to vows, he shall put her away and give her ketubah. And the same law applies if she vowed that she would not go to her father's house, saying: konam is your intercourse upon me if I go to my father's house, and the husband heard and did not annul; and likewise if she said: konam is your intercourse upon me if I go to a house of mourning or to a house of feasting, and he heard and did not annul for her; and the same law applies if she said: konam is your intercourse upon me if I do any work, and he heard and did not annul for her; and the same law applies if she said: konam is your intercourse upon me if I ask anything of my neighbours, or if I lend out my vessels, and he heard and did not annul.