זוהר, בראשית פ״בZohar, Bereshit 82

Segment 1א׳

וַיִּבֶן יְיָ אֱלֹהִים, אוּף הָכִי נָמֵי בְּשֵׁם מָלֵא, דְּהָא אַבָּא וְאִמָּא אַתְקִינוּ לָהּ עַד לָא אָתַת לְבַעֲלָהּ. אֶת הַצֵּלָע כְּמָא דְאַתְּ אָמֵר, (שיר השירים א׳:ה׳) שְׁחוֹרָה אֲנִי וְנָאוָה בְּנוֹת יְרוּשָׁלָם, אַסְפַּקְלָרְיָאה דְּלָא נָהֲרָא, אֲבָל אַבָּא וְאִמָּא אַתְקִינוּ לָהּ לְאִתְפַּיָיסָא בַּעֲלָהּ בַּהֲדָהּ.

AND THE LORD GOD BUILT. Here also the full name of the Deity is used, indicating that the father and mother provided for her until she came to her husband. THE SIDE: ‘black but comely’; she was the ‘unclear mirror’, but the father and mother tricked her out so as to make her acceptable to her husband.

Segment 2ב׳

וַיְבִאֶהָ אֶל הָאָדָם. מֵהָכָא אוֹלִיפְנָא דְּבָעָאן אַבָּא וְאִמָּא דְכַלָּה לְאָעֳלָה בִּרְשׁוּתֵיהּ דְּחָתָן. כְּמָא דְאַתְּ אָמֵר, (דברים כ״ב:ט״ז) אֶת בִּתִּי נָתַתִּי לָאִישׁ הַזֶּה וְגו'. מִכָּאן וָאֵילָךְ בַּעֲלָהּ יֵיתֵי לְגַבָּהּ, דְּהָא בֵּיתָא דִילָהּ הוּא דִּכְתִיב, (בראשית כ״ט:ל׳) וַיָּבֹא אֵלֶיהָ. וַיָּבֹא גַּם אֶל רָחֵל, בְּקַדְמִיתָא וַיְבִאֶהָ אֶל הָאָדָם דְּעַד הָכָא אִית לְאַבָּא וּלְאִמָּא לְמֶעֱבַד, לְבָתַר אִיהוּ יֵיתֵי לְגַבָּהּ וְכָל בֵּיתָא דִילָהּ הוּא, וְיִטּוֹל רְשׁוּת מִינָהּ.

AND BROUGHT HER TO THE MAN. From this we learn that it is incumbent on the father and mother of the bride to transfer her to the charge of the bridegroom; so we read ‘my daughter I have given to this man’ (Deut. 22, 16). From that point the husband is to come to her, since the house is hers; so it is written ‘and he came to her’ (Gen. 29, 23), ‘and he came in to Rachel’ (Ibid,). Of the father and mother it is written that they ‘brought’, but of the husband that he ‘came’, to show that he must obtain her permission.

Segment 3ג׳

וְעַל דָּא אִתְעַרְנָא דִּכְתִיב, (בראשית כ״ח:י״א) וַיִּפְגַּע בַּמָּקוֹם וַיָּלֶן שָׁם, דְּנָטִיל רְשׁוּ בְּקַדְמִיתָא. מִכָּאן אוֹלִיפְנָא דְּמָאן דְּמִתְחַבֵּר בְּאִנְתְּתֵיהּ בָּעֵי לְמִפְגַע לָהּ וּלְבַסְמָא לָהּ בְּמִלִּין, וְאִי לָאו לָא (קמח ב) יָבִית לְגַבָּהּ. בְּגִין דִּיהֵא רְעוּתָא דִלְהוֹן כְּחֲדָא בִּדְלָא אֲנִיסוּ.

We make a similar reflection on the verse, ‘And he prayed in the place and tarried there.’ (Gen. 28, 11), viz. that Jacob sought permission first. From this we learn that a man who desires his wife’s society must first entreat and coax her; and if he cannot persuade her, he must not stay with her, for their companionship must be loving and unconstrained.