יורה דעה שפ״גYoreh De'ah 383

Se’if 1א׳

אָבֵל אָסוּר בְּתַשְׁמִישׁ הַמִּטָּה, אֲבָל בִּשְׁאָר דְּבַר קֻרְבָה מֻתָּר, אֲפִלוּ בִּמְזִיגַת הַכּוֹס וְהַצָּעַת הַמִּטָּה וְהַרְחָצַת פָּנָיו יָדָיו וְרַגְלָיו, בֵּין בַּאֲבֵלוּת דִּידֵהּ בֵּין בַּאֲבֵלוּת דִּידָהּ. אֲבָל חִבּוּק וְנִשּׁוּק יֵשׁ לְהַחְמִיר (רַבֵּנוּ יְרוּחָם). וּמֻתֶּרֶת לֶאֱכֹל עִמּוֹ בִּקְעָרָה. וּמֻתֶּרֶת לִישַׁן עִמּוֹ הוּא בְּבִגְדּוֹ וְהִיא בְּבִגְדָּהּ; וּמִיהוּ מִשּׁוּם לֵךְ לֵךְ אַמְרִינָן נְזִירָא יֵשׁ לְהַחְמִיר שֶׁלֹּא יִישַׁן (עִמָּהּ) בְּמִטָּה כְּלָל.

A mourner is forbidden marital intercourse,1Lit. ‘use of the conjugal couch.’ M.K. 15b, 21a. Derived from, ‘And David comforted Bath-Sheba, his wife, and went in unto her’ (II Sam. XII, 24) whence we infer that during the period of mourning it was forbidden. but any other type of contact is permissible, [namely], even the mixing of the cup [for him], making the bed [for him] and washing his face, hands or feet, [irrespective] whether it is his mourning or her mourning [that is being observed].2Tur on the authority of RaBaD, derived from Ket. 4b. Cf. supra § 342 and notes. Perisha states that there is greater apprehension during the observance of her mourning, since he is prone to be tempted. ShaK, on the other hand, maintains that there is, contra Perisha, more fear that during his observance of mourning rites, he might be tempted, and she would obey his wish. Shitah Mek. (Ket. ibid.). cites a number of authorities whose explanation is similar to that of Perisha. However with regard to embracing and kissing one should adopt a stringent view.3Thus R. Yeruḥam. also Targum to Koh. III, 5 — R. A. Eger. She is permitted to eat with him from the same dish,4Tur on the authority of RaBaD, derived from Ket. 4b. In the case of a menstruous woman this would be forbidden (Mishna, Shab. 11a). and she is [also] permitted to sleep with him, [provided] he [is] in his garment and she [is] in her garment.5e., avoiding bodily contact. Cf. Shab. 13a. This is applicable even on the Sabbath and Festivals, since private mourning must still be observed — ShaK. However, since we say, 'take a roundabout route, O, Nazirite, [and do not come near the vineyard'],6An expression used to convey a measure of precaution. Shab. 13a; Yeb. 46a. one should adopt a stringent view, so that he should not sleep [with her]7Thus Tur. in the [same] bed at all.

Se’if 2ב׳

בַּמֶּה דְּבָרִים אֲמוּרִים, בִּשְׁאָר אֲבֵלוּת; אֲבָל אִם מֵת אָבִיו שֶׁל חָתָן אוֹ אִמָּהּ שֶׁל כַּלָה, שֶׁמַּכְנִיסִין אֶת הַמֵּת לַחֶדֶר וְאֶת הֶחָתָן וְאֶת הַכַּלָה לַחֻפָּה, וּבוֹעֵל בְּעִילַת מִצְוָה וּפוֹרֵשׁ וְנוֹהֲגִים ז' יְמֵי הַמִּשְׁתֶּה, וְאַחַר כָּךְ שִׁבְעַת יְמֵי אֲבֵלוּת, אָסוּר לְהִתְיַחֵד עִמָּהּ כָּל י"ד יוֹם, אֶלָא הוּא יָשֵׁן בֵּין הָאֲנָשִׁים וְהִיא יְשֵׁנָה בֵּין הַנָּשִׁים, כִּדְאִיתָא בְּסִימָן שמ"ב. אֲבָל אִם כָּנַס לַחֻפָּה וְהִתְחִילוּ יְמֵי הַמִּשְׁתֶּה שֶׁלוֹ, וְאַחַר כָּךְ מֵת לוֹ מֵת, מֻתָּר לְהִתְיַחֵד עִמָּהּ כְּמוֹ בִּשְׁאָר אֲבֵלוּת, וְהוּא שֶׁבָּעַל; אֲבָל אִם לֹא בָּעַל, אָסוּר לְהִתְיַחֵד עִמָּהּ כָּל יְמֵי הָאֵבֶל, בֵּין בְּחֹל בֵּין בְּשַׁבָּת.

The [above ruling] applies only with respect to [all] other [cases] of mourning, but if the father of the bridegroom died, or the mother of the bride, [in which case], they bring the corpse into a room, and the bridegroom and the bride into a bridal chamber, and he performs the dutiful marital act, and [then] separates [himself from her], and they observe [first] the seven days of the [wedding-] feast and after that [they observe] the seven days of mourning,8 supra § 342 and notes.—[the law is that] he is forbidden to be alone with her throughout the fourteen days, [and] he sleeps only among the men and she sleeps among the women as is stated in § 349For since the Sages were lenient in this matter, viz., in permitting him to observe the seven days of his wedding-feast first, a further leniency, i.e., in permitting further types of contact (mentioned supra in par. 1) might lead him to treat this case lightly (Ket. 4b). But if he [already] married her and the days of the [wedding-] feast had begun, and subsequently he suffered a bereavement, he is permitted to be alone with her as in [all] the other [cases] of mourning,10Thus Asheri implied in Ket. ibid. In this case the seven days of the wedding-feast began legally and are not the result of leniency. Likewise, if one suffered a bereavement on a Festival, he is permitted to be alone with his wife (v. infra § 399, 2 Gloss), for here too, the Festival sets in by itself and the question of leniency is not involved. Furthermore, the joy experienced on a Festival is not as great as in the case of a groom — ShaK. provided he had cohabited with her;11In accord with the dictum of R. Joseph in Ket. 4a. however, if he had not cohabited with her, he is forbidden to be alone with her throughout the days of mourning, whether on a weekday or on a Sabbath.12For in this case he may be tempted to perform the marital act.