יורה דעה שמ״דYoreh De'ah 344

Se’if 1א׳

מִצְוָה גְּדוֹלָה לְהַסְפִּיד עַל הַמֵּת כָּרָאוּי. וּמִצְוָתוֹ שֶׁיָּרִים קוֹלוֹ לוֹמַר עָלָיו דְּבָרִים הַמְּשַׁבְּרִים אֶת הַלֵּב, כְּדֵי לְהַרְבּוֹת בְּכִיָּה וּלְהַזְכִּיר שִׁבְחוֹ. וְאָסוּר לְהַפְלִיג בְּשִׁבְחוֹ יוֹתֵר מִדַּאי, אֶלָּא מַזְכִּירִין מִדּוֹת טוֹבוֹת שֶׁבּוֹ, וּמוֹסִיפִין בָּהֶם קְצָת, רַק שֶׁלֹּא יַפְלִיג. וְאִם לֹא הָיוּ בּוֹ מִדּוֹת טוֹבוֹת כְּלָל, לֹא יַזְכִּיר עָלָיו. וְחָכָם וְחָסִיד, מַזְכִּירִים לָהֶם חָכְמָתָם וַחֲסִידוּתָם. וְכָל הַמַּזְכִּיר עַל מִי שֶׁלֹּא הָיָה בּוֹ כְּלָל, אוֹ שֶׁמּוֹסִיף לְהַפְלִיג יוֹתֵר מִדַּאי עַל מַה שֶּׁהָיָה בּוֹ, גּוֹרֵם רָעָה לְעַצְמוֹ וְלַמֵּת.

It is an important religious duty to lament the dead fittingly;1Shab. 105b. and the religious duty [is fulfilled] when one raises his voice [in funereal lamentations] to utter over him [the dead] words which break the heart in order to cause much weeping, and to mention his praise.2Ber. 6b and Rashi ibid. s.v. דלויי; Y.M.K. III, 5(82d): ‘If one sheds tears for a worthy person, the Holy One, blessed be He, counts them and places them in His treasure house.’ Shab. ibid.: ‘He who is slothful to lament a Sage deserves to be buried alive … and will not prolong his days.’ It is forbidden to over-praise him too much, save to mention his good characteristic features [to which] a little may be added,3The reason for the additional praise may be explained as follows: In the performance of a religious duty, e.g., if one dispensed charity, we assume that had a little more been required of him he would have given the additional amount too. Hence, we may add a little to his praise — TaZ. Or, since it is very difficult to give an exact and precise evaluation of one’s deeds in words, consequently, it is better to add a little more praise in speaking of one’s characteristic features — A.H. provided one does not overexaggerate. And if he possessed no good characteristic features whatever, one should not mention [this] regarding him. [With respect to] a Sage and a pious man one may mention their wisdom and piety [respectively].4Sem(H). III, 6; Y.Naz. VII, 1(56a); Shab. 153a; Meg. 28b; M.K. 28b; San. 11a. And one who mentions [aught] regarding one who did not possess [it] at all, or exaggerates too much that which he did possess, causes harm to himself5Ber. 62a. and to the dead.6Asheri, M.K. c. The same applies to inscriptions on tombstones — Ḥ.Adam.

Se’if 2ב׳

כְּשֵׁם שֶׁמַּסְפִּידִין עַל הָאֲנָשִׁים כָּךְ מַסְפִּידִין עַל הַנָּשִׁים כָּרָאוּי לָהֶן, וְנִסְפָּדוֹת בֵּין הָאֲנָשִׁים וַחֲכָמִים (טוּר).

Just as [funerary] lamentations are made for men, so too, are [funerary] lamentations made for women as is fitting for them.7Yad, Ebel XII, 5, derived from Meg. 28b: ‘Rafram had a funerary lamentation made for his daughter-in-law in the Synagogue, saying, ‘To pay honour to me and the dead all the people will come.’ R.H. 25a: ‘On that day the mother of Ben Zaza died, and Rabban Gamaliel made a great funerary lamentation for her etc.’ Cf. also Ket. 72a top. Nowadays the law is that a corpse should not be taken into a Synagogue save in the case of a well known Rabbinic scholar — Kol Bo(G) I, pp. 13, 99-100. infra pars. 19-20. And they are lamented amongst men and scholars.8Tur — G.

Se’if 3ג׳

בְּמָקוֹם שֶׁרְגִילִין לְהַשְׂכִּיר מְקוֹנְנוֹת לְהַסְפִּיד, חַיָּב לְהַשְׂכִּיר מְקוֹנְנוֹת לְהַסְפִּיד עַל אִשְׁתּוֹ. וְאִם לֹא רָצָה, בָּא אָבִיהָ וּמַשְׂכִּיר, וּמוֹצִיא מִמֶּנּוּ בְּעַל כָּרְחוֹ.

In a locality where it is customary to hire wailing women to make the lamentation, one is dutibound to hire wailing women to make the lamentation for his wife. If he [the husband] was unwilling [to provide wailing women], her father comes and provides [this] and collects from him [the husband] against his will.9Sem(H). XIV, 7. also Ket. 46b, Mishna: ‘Even the poorest in Israel should provide not less than two flutes and one wailing woman.’ Cf. Tosef (Ẓ). Ket. IV, 2.