יורה דעה שמ״בYoreh De'ah 342

Se’if 1א׳

מִי שֶׁהֵכִין כָּל צָרְכֵי חֻפָּתוֹ, שֶׁאָפָה פִּתּוֹ וְטָבַח טִבְחוֹ וּמָזַג יֵינוֹ, וּמֵת אָבִיו שֶׁל חָתָן, וְהוּא בְּמָקוֹם שֶׁאֵינוֹ מָצוּי לִמְכֹּר, וְאִם תִּדָּחֶה הַחֻפָּה יַפְסִיד מַה שֶּׁהֵכִין; אוֹ שֶׁמֵּתָה אִמָּהּ שֶׁל כַּלָּה, וְאִכָּא תַּמְרוּקֵי נָשִׁים וְקִשּׁוּטִין שֶׁאֵינָם מִתְקַיְּמִים, מֵאַחַר שֶׁאֵין לָהֶם מִי שֶׁיִּטְרַח בַּעֲבוּרָם בְּפַעַם אַחֶרֶת (כָּךְ מַשְׁמָע מִגְּמָרָא), מַכְנִיסִין אֶת הַמֵּת לְחֶדֶר, וְאֶת הֶחָתָן וְאֶת הַכַּלָּה לַחֻפָּה, וּבוֹעֵל בְּעִילַת מִצְוָה וּפוֹרֵשׁ, וְכֵיוָן שֶׁחָלָה עָלָיו הַחֻפָּה הַוְיָא לְדִידֵיהּ כְּרֶגֶל, וְנוֹהֵג שִׁבְעַת יְמֵי הַמִּשְׁתֶּה וְאַחַר כָּךְ נוֹהֵג שִׁבְעַת יְמֵי אֲבֵלוּת. וְכָל שִׁבְעַת יְמֵי הַמִּשְׁתֶּה נוֹהֵג בָּהֶם דְּבָרִים שֶׁבְּצִנְעָא, וְאָסוּר בְּתַשְׁמִישׁ הַמִּטָּה, הִלְכָּךְ כָּל ז' יְמֵי הַמִּשְׁתֶּה וְז' יְמֵי הָאֵבֶל הוּא יָשֵׁן בֵּין הָאֲנָשִׁים, וְהִיא יְשֵׁנָה בֵּין הַנָּשִׁים. הַגָּה: יֵשׁ אוֹמְרִים שֶׁאֲסוּרָה לְיַחֵד עִמּוֹ בַּיּוֹם כְּמוֹ בַּלַּיְלָה, וְאֵין צָרִיךְ לִהְיוֹת לָהֶם שְׁתֵּי שְׁמִירוֹת רַק הוּא בֵּין הָאֲנָשִׁים אוֹ הִיא בֵּין הַנָּשִׁים (טוּר בְּשֵׁם הָרֹא"שׁ). וְאִם אֵינָם יְשֵׁנִים בְּחֶדֶר אֶחָד, אֵין צְרִיכִין שִׁמּוּר כְּלָל (כ"כ הָרַשְׁבָּ"א בְּכַלָּה שֶׁפֵּרְסָה וְכו'). וְיֵשׁ אוֹמְרִים דְּבַלַּיְלָה צָרִיךְ שְׁתֵּי שְׁמִירוֹת, וּבַיּוֹם מֻתָּר לְהִתְיַחֵד עִמָּהּ (טוּר בְּשֵׁם הָרַאֲבַ"ד). וְהַמִּנְהָג לִקַּח קָטָן אֵצֶל הֶחָתָן וּקְטַנָּה אֵצֶל הַכַּלָּה, וְאֵין מִתְיַחֲדִין בַּיּוֹם בְּלֹא קָטָן אוֹ קְטַנָּה. וּלְעִנְיַן שְׁלֹשִׁים, אֵינוֹ מוֹנֶה אֶלָּא מִז' יְמֵי אֲבֵלוּת וָאֵילָךְ, וְכָל שִׁבְעַת יְמֵי הַחֻפָּה מֻתָּר בְּגִהוּץ וְתִסְפֹּרֶת. וְאִם אֵין לוֹ פְּסֵידָא, כְּגוֹן בְּמָקוֹם שֶׁמָּצוּי לִמְכֹּר מַה שֶּׁהֵכִין, אוֹ אֲפִלּוּ אִית לֵיהּ פְּסֵידָא, וּמֵתָה אִמּוֹ שֶׁל חָתָן אוֹ אָבִיהָ שֶׁל כַּלָּה אוֹ אֶחָד מִשְּׁאָר קְרוֹבֵיהֶם, שֶׁנִּשְׁאַר מִי שֶׁיָּכִין לָהֶם לְפַעַם אַחֶרֶת, לֹא הִתִּירוּ לִדְחוֹת הָאֲבֵלוּת אֶלָּא קוֹבֵר אוֹתוֹ מִיָּד, וְנוֹהֵג שִׁבְעַת יְמֵי אֲבֵלוּת, וְאַחַר כָּךְ מַכְנִיסִין אֶת הֶחָתָן וְאֶת הַכַּלָּה לַחֻפָּה מִיָּד, וְנוֹהֵג שִׁבְעַת יְמֵי הַמִּשְׁתֶּה.

Someone who has made all the preparations for their wedding, such as they have already baked the bread and slaughtered the slaughter and poured the wine, and the father of the groom dies, and it is in a place where he cannot find a place to sell (to recoup the investment), and if they postpone the wedding, he will lose what he prepared; or if the mother of the bride dies, and there are here women’s makeup and frills have been gathered and won’t last (i.e., it will spoil), since they don’t have anyone who will go through this trouble for them another time (this is the way it is in the Gamara), put the deceased in a room, and the groom and the bride will get married, and the act of intercourse for the mitzvah of consummating the marriage and he separates (from her in order to bury the dead), and once the chuppah is incumbent upon him it becomes to him like a festival, and he observes seven days of feasting and then he observes seven days of mourning. And during all of the seven days of feasting there is practice with regard to them these intimate activities (e.g., mixing wine, making the bed, etc.), and it is forbidden to have sexual relations, consequently, for all of the seven days of feasting and seven days of mourning he sleeps with the men, and she sleeps with the women. Hagah: There are some that say that it is forbidden that she be together with him during the day like night, and he does not need to have two guards only that he is amongst the men or she is amongst the women (Tur in the name of the Rosh). And if they do not sleep in one room, they do not need a guard by principle (This is the regulation of the Rashba with the bride ?). And some say that if this is at night, you need two guards, and during the day it is permitted for him to be together with her (Tur in the name of the Ra’avad). And it’s the custom to teach a minor in being groom and young girls in being the bride, and they may not be together by day without a young boy or a young girl. And regarding shloshim, he cannot count [from burial], rather from the seven days of mourning and thereafter, and every seven days of the chuppah permitted to do laundry. And if he doesn’t have a loss, such as in a place where he found a place to sell what he had prepared, or even if he does have a loss, but the mother of the groom died or the father of the bride or one of the other relatives, there remains for them someone who could prepare for them another time, they are not allowed to postpone mourning and bury him immediately, and observe seven days of mourning, and after this marry the groom and the bride to the chuppah immediately, and practice seven days of feasting.