יורה דעה ר״מYoreh De'ah 240

Siman 240 of 402 in Yoreh De'ah — 25 se'ifim

הלכות כבוד אב ואםHonoring One's Father and Mother· siman 240

Se’if 1א׳

צָרִיךְ לִזָּהֵר מְאֹד בִּכְבוֹד אָבִיו וְאִמּוֹ וּבְמוֹרָאָם. הַגָּה: וּמִכָּל מָקוֹם אֵין בֵּית דִּין כּוֹפִין עַל מִצְוַת כִּבּוּד אָב וָאֵם, דְּהָוֵי לֵיהּ מִצְוַת עֲשֵׂה שֶׁמַּתַּן שְׂכָרָהּ בְּצִדָּהּ שֶׁאֵין בֵּית דִּין כּוֹפִין עָלֶיהָ (בֵּית יוֹסֵף בְּשֵׁם הַגְּמָרָא ובתא"ו נָתִיב א').

What is honor and what is fear, and their laws. Containing 25 paragraphs. One must be very careful concerning his father and mother's honor and fear. Rema: But nevertheless, the court does not enforce the honor of father and mother; since it is a positive commandment the reward of which is alongside it, such that the court does not enforce it (Beit Yosef in the name of the Gemara; Toledot Adam VeChava, Netiv A).

Se’if 2ב׳

אֵיזֶה מוֹרָא, לֹא יַעֲמֹד בִּמְקוֹמוֹ הַמְיֻחָד לוֹ לַעֲמֹד שָׁם בְּסוֹד זְקֵנִים עִם חֲבֵרָיו, אוֹ מָקוֹם הַמְיֻחָד לוֹ לְהִתְפַּלֵּל; וְלֹא יֵשֵׁב בְּמָקוֹם הַמְיֻחָד לוֹ לְהָסֵב בְּבֵיתוֹ; וְלֹא סוֹתֵר אֶת דְּבָרָיו וְלֹא מַכְרִיעַ אֶת דְּבָרָיו בְּפָנָיו, אֲפִלּוּ לוֹמַר נִרְאִין דִּבְרֵי אַבָּא; וְלֹא יִקְרָאֶנּוּ בִּשְׁמוֹ, לֹא בְּחַיָּיו וְלֹא בְּמוֹתוֹ, אֶלָּא אוֹמֵר: אַבָּא מָארִי. הָיָה שֵׁם אָבִיו כְּשֵׁם אֲחֵרִים, מְשַׁנֶּה שְׁמָם, אִם הוּא שֵׁם שֶׁהוּא פִּלְאִי, שֶׁאֵין הַכֹּל רְגִילִים לִקְרוֹת בּוֹ. אֲבָל שֵׁם שֶׁרְגִילִין בּוֹ מֻתָּר לִקְרוֹת אֲחֵרִים שֶׁלֹּא בְּפָנָיו (טוּר).

What is fear? He should not stand in the place designated for him to stand in the consultation of the elders with his colleagues, or the place designated for him to pray, nor should he sit in the place designated for him to recline in his home, nor contradict his words nor determine his words in his presence - even to say, "Father's words appear [correct]." And he should not call him by his name, neither in life nor in death, but rather say, "Father, my teacher." If his father's name was like the name of others, he changes their names if it is an unusual name that not all of the people call [their offspring] with. But it is permissible to call others with a name that is [common], not in front of him (Tur).

Se’if 3ג׳

עַד הֵיכָן מוֹרָאָם, הָיָה הַבֵּן לָבוּשׁ חֲמוּדוֹת וְיוֹשֵׁב בְּרֹאשׁ הַקָּהָל, וּבָאוּ אָבִיו וְאִמּוֹ וְקָרְעוּ בְּגָדָיו וְהִכּוּהוּ עַל רֹאשׁוֹ וְיָרְקוּ בְּפָנָיו, לֹא יַכְלִים אוֹתָם, אֶלָּא יִשְׁתֹּק, וְיִירָא מִן מֶּלֶךְ מַלְכֵי הַמְּלָכִים שֶׁצִּוָּהוּ בְּכָךְ.

To what extent is their fear? Had the son been dressed with fine clothing and sitting at the head of the community, and his father and mother came and ripped his clothes, hit him on his head and spit in front of him - he should not shame them, but rather remain silent, and fear the King of kings of kings, who so commanded him.

Se’if 4ד׳

אֵיזֶהוּ כָּבוֹד, מַאֲכִילוֹ וּמַשְׁקֵהוּ, מַלְבִּישׁ וּמְכַסֶה, מַכְנִיס וּמוֹצִיא. וְיִתְּנֶנּוּ לוֹ בְּסֵבֶר פָּנִים יָפוֹת, שֶׁאֲפִלּוּ מַאֲכִילוֹ בְּכָל יוֹם פְּטוּמוֹת וְהֶרְאָה לוֹ פָּנִים זוֹעֲפוֹת, נֶעֱנָשׁ עָלָיו. הַגָּה: וְכֵן לְהֶפֶךְ, אִם מַטְחִין אָבִיו בָּרֵחַיִם, וְכַוָּנָתוֹ לְטוֹבָה כְּדֵי שֶׁיִּנָּצֵל אָבִיו מִדָּבָר קָשֶׁה יוֹתֵר מִזֶּה, וּמְדַבֵּר פִּיּוּסִים עַל לֵב אָבִיו וּמַרְאֶה לוֹ שֶׁכַּוָנָתוֹ לְטוֹבָה עַד שֶׁיִּתְרַצֶּה אָבִיו לִטְחֹן בָּרֵחַיִם, נוֹחֵל עוֹלָם הַבָּא (גְּמָרָא וְרַשִׁ"י פ"ק דְּקִדּוּשִׁין וִירוּשַׁלְמִי). וִישַׁמְּשֶׁנּוּ בִּשְׁאָר דְּבָרִים שֶׁהַשַּׁמָּשׁ מְשַׁמֵּשׁ רַבּוֹ.

What is honor? He feeds him and gives him drink; dresses and covers him; and brings him in and takes him out - and he does so with a pleasant countenance. For even if he feeds him fattened fowl every day, yet does so with an angry face, he will be punished for it.Rema: And likewise the opposite: If one makes him grind with a millstone, but his intention is for the good - in order to save his father from something harder than this - and he speaks [with] appeasement to the heart of his father and shows him that his intention is for the good until his father agrees to grind with the millstone, he acquires the world to come (Gemara and Rashi, Chapter 1 of Kiddushin and Yerushalmi). And he serves him in other ways in which a servant serves his master.

Se’if 5ה׳

זֶה שֶׁמַּאֲכִילוֹ וּמַשְׁקֵהוּ, מִשֶּׁל אָב וָאֵם, אִם יֵשׁ לוֹ. וְאִם אֵין לָאָב, וְיֵשׁ לַבֵּן, כּוֹפִין אוֹתוֹ וְזָן אָבִיו כְּפִי מַה שֶּׁהוּא יָכוֹל. וְאִם אֵין לַבֵּן, אֵינוֹ חַיָּב לְחַזֵּר עַל הַפְּתָחִים לְהַאֲכִיל אֶת אָבִיו. הַגָּה: וְיֵשׁ אוֹמְרִים דְּאֵינוֹ חַיָּב לִתֵּן לוֹ רַק מַה שֶּׁמְּחֻיָּב לִתֵּן לִצְדָקָה (כֵּן כָּתַב הַבֵּית יוֹסֵף דְּנִרְאֶה כֵּן מִדִּבְרֵי הָרִי"ף וְהָרֹא"שׁ, וְכֵן כָּתַב הר"ן פ"ק דְּקִדּוּשִׁין). וּמִכָּל מָקוֹם אִם יָדוֹ מַשֶּׂגֶת, תָּבֹא מְאֵרָה לְמִי שֶׁמְּפַרְנֵס אָבִיו מִמָּעוֹת צְדָקָה שֶׁלּוֹ (הַגָּהוֹת מָרְדְּכַי דב"ב וּבְהַגָּהוֹת פ"ק דב"מ וּבְחִדּוּשֵׁי אֲגֻדָּה). וְאִם יֵשׁ לוֹ בָּנִים רַבִּים, מְחַשְּׁבִים לְפִי מָמוֹן שֶׁלָּהֶם, וְאִם מִקְּצָתָן עֲשִׁירִים וּמִקְּצָתָן עֲנִיִּים, מְחַיְּבִים הָעֲשִׁירִים לְבַד. (תְּשׁוּבַת מַיְמוֹנִי הִלְכוֹת מַמְרִים בְּשֵׁם מוֹהֲרַ"ם וֶהֱבִיאָהּ הַבֵּית יוֹסֵף). אֲבָל חַיָּב לְכַבְּדוֹ בְּגוּפוֹ, אַף עַל פִּי שֶׁמִּתּוֹךְ כָּךְ בָּטֵל מִמְּלַאכְתּוֹ, וְיִצְטָרֵךְ לְחַזֵּר עַל הַפְּתָחִים. וְדַוְקָא דְּאִית לַבֵּן מְזוֹנוֹת לְאִיתְזוּנֵי הַהוּא יוֹמָא, אֲבָל אִי לֵית לֵיהּ, לֹא מְחֻיָּב לְבַטֵּל מִמְּלַאכְתּוֹ וְלַחֲזֹר עַל הַפְּתָחִים.

And that which he gives him food and he gives him drink - that is from [the resources of] the father and mother, if he has. However if the father does not have and the son does have, we force him and he sustains the father according to what he can [afford]. But if the son does not have, he is not obligated to [knock on] doors to feed his father. Rema: And some say that he is only obligated to give to him that which he is obligated to give to charity. (So wrote the Beit Yosef - that it appears to be so from the words of the Rif and the Rosh. And so too did the Ran write in the first chapter of Kiddushin.) But nevertheless if he has the wherewithal, a curse will come to one who supports his father with his charity monies (Hagahot Mordechai on Bava Batra; Hagahot on Bava Metzia; and Chiddushei Aggadah). And if he has several sons, they calculate [their obligation] according to their money. And if some of them are rich and some of them are poor, only the rich ones are obligated (Teshuvat Maimoni, Laws of Rebels, in the name of Mohoram [Maharam of Rothenberg] - and brought by the Beit Yosef). But he is obligated to honor him with his body, even though he [becomes] idle from his work through this, and [then] becomes required to [knock on] doors. And [that is] specifically when the son has sustenance that will sustain [himself] that day. But if he does not have [it], he is not obligated to be idle from his work and to [knock] on doors.

…and 20 more se'ifim in this siman.

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Shulchan Aruch, Yoreh De'ah — Torat Emet 357 edition, via Sefaria — public domain

English: Sefaria Community Translation — CC0